By Murray Cree
The precise nature of Project Management means that is a potential source of conflict. Many of these conflicts are resolved through agreement with the process rules of PM. Such resolution depends on shared understandings. The trouble starts when there is disagreement that the process rules cannot manage. Also, particular personality types are attracted to PM because of the precise and detailed nature of the work they do. So, different personalities also have the potential for conflict. Having trouble with conflict in the world of projects? Consider using an external consultant to show how to effectively mediate ongoing conflict. Even get your Project Managers trained by Conflict Solvers.
Want more info? Contact murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 890 times
The precise nature of Project Management means that is a potential source of conflict. Many of these conflicts are resolved through agreement with the process rules of PM. Such resolution depends on shared understandings. The trouble starts when there is disagreement that the process rules cannot manage. Also, particular personality types are attracted to PM because of the precise and detailed nature of the work they do. So, different personalities also have the potential for conflict. Having trouble with conflict in the world of projects? Consider using an external consultant to show how to effectively mediate ongoing conflict. Even get your Project Managers trained by Conflict Solvers.
Want more info? Contact murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 890 times
By Murray Cree
It may sound strange to talk about absent parties and conflict resolution. Logically, how can you resolve conflict if the other person is not with you in the here and now?
Of course, in the ideal world we would want the people in conflict to be present and participating. But what if they can’t?
One tip is to consider the “empty chair” conversation method. By placing an empty chair in the room, imagining the presence of the other party or person in that chair, and then talking to that empty chair the symbolic part of communication can occur.
Often that symbolism is the foundation of a conflict resolution. Simply by convening a conflict resolution process we can shift feelings and perceptions into a positive mode. There is much peace in the power of positive thinking!
More info:
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 1128 times
It may sound strange to talk about absent parties and conflict resolution. Logically, how can you resolve conflict if the other person is not with you in the here and now?
Of course, in the ideal world we would want the people in conflict to be present and participating. But what if they can’t?
One tip is to consider the “empty chair” conversation method. By placing an empty chair in the room, imagining the presence of the other party or person in that chair, and then talking to that empty chair the symbolic part of communication can occur.
Often that symbolism is the foundation of a conflict resolution. Simply by convening a conflict resolution process we can shift feelings and perceptions into a positive mode. There is much peace in the power of positive thinking!
More info:
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 1128 times
By Murray Cree
Family businesses are an essential part of the Australian economy. With an aging population, there is pressure on to manage generational change in many of our family businesses. This process of succession is a source of conflict because for one generation it is a letting go process while for the upcoming generation it is a taking charge process.
Both of these processes involve the internal psychology of the ego and therein lies the potential conflict. Ego management is a major challenge for most people at any point in their life-cycle. Ego is both a source of energy and innovation as well as a potentially negative force of disregard and domination.
Here are two tips for family business members who are encountering conflict around succession. First, empathise! Try to put yourself in the feeling space of the other party. Imagine what it would be like to be them. How would it feel to be a parent letting go of 30 years hard yakka building the family business into a sustainable enterprise. Second, listen. The process of handing-over relies heavily on effective communication. Both parties need to feel heard and understood. This deep communication calls for active listening not just a hearing.
When empathy and active listening operate together, the potential for conflict reduces sharply. Give it a go. Start slowly and gently in order to test your skills.
More info:
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
The business conflict specialist
Item viewed: 1127 times
Family businesses are an essential part of the Australian economy. With an aging population, there is pressure on to manage generational change in many of our family businesses. This process of succession is a source of conflict because for one generation it is a letting go process while for the upcoming generation it is a taking charge process.
Both of these processes involve the internal psychology of the ego and therein lies the potential conflict. Ego management is a major challenge for most people at any point in their life-cycle. Ego is both a source of energy and innovation as well as a potentially negative force of disregard and domination.
Here are two tips for family business members who are encountering conflict around succession. First, empathise! Try to put yourself in the feeling space of the other party. Imagine what it would be like to be them. How would it feel to be a parent letting go of 30 years hard yakka building the family business into a sustainable enterprise. Second, listen. The process of handing-over relies heavily on effective communication. Both parties need to feel heard and understood. This deep communication calls for active listening not just a hearing.
When empathy and active listening operate together, the potential for conflict reduces sharply. Give it a go. Start slowly and gently in order to test your skills.
More info:
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
The business conflict specialist
Item viewed: 1127 times
19/05: Passive anger and conflict
By Murray Cree
Passive anger is a major hurdle when it comes to successful mediation and conflict resolution. By its very nature, passive anger is not expressed openly. Instead, it is perceived conflict, a feeling, a state of mind.
Conflict fuelled by passive anger frequently has a long history. There tend to be underlying or background pressures that have built up over time. Without release such pressures become a way of life; just the way things happen around here.
Attempts to deal with passive anger call for patience and trust. So if you find yourself on the receiving end of passive anger gently try to probe as to what are the real issues. Be careful not to probe too hard otherwise you will simply get push-back and resentment.
More info
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 1159 times
Passive anger is a major hurdle when it comes to successful mediation and conflict resolution. By its very nature, passive anger is not expressed openly. Instead, it is perceived conflict, a feeling, a state of mind.
Conflict fuelled by passive anger frequently has a long history. There tend to be underlying or background pressures that have built up over time. Without release such pressures become a way of life; just the way things happen around here.
Attempts to deal with passive anger call for patience and trust. So if you find yourself on the receiving end of passive anger gently try to probe as to what are the real issues. Be careful not to probe too hard otherwise you will simply get push-back and resentment.
More info
murraycree@conflictsolvers.com.au
Item viewed: 1159 times
Peer Mediation in Primary school has been in Australia now for a little over twenty years. Most schools train a variety of students from grade four upwards. One school that has really shown the way in this area is Sunbury West Primary. This school has run the program for several years and has some wonderful innovations.
This year they trained students from grade four. What did the grade four students need to do in order to become a mediator? Firstly they had to put together a written application which was assessed by the grade five and six students who selected the most suitable applicants.
Here are some exerts from the applications;
“I would like to be a peer mediator because I am fair, I listen, I’m level headed and I would be able to listen to both sides of a story….”
“I think it would be a great experience…I will enjoy it a lot.”
“I am committed to being a peer mediator because I am responsible and will remember to do my duty. I am a nice caring person and I also like to help sort out problems without being bossy so everyone feels happy.”
“I’d love to be a peer mediator because I’m a good listener and have got really good hand writing.”
Once the two day training is completed; the grade four students become trainees that go around with a grade five or six student learning on the job. The mediators at the school patrol the yard and assist where children are having arguments. A good deal of their time is spent around the play area for children in prep, grade one and two. There are often problems around “hurtful language, threats of changing friendship groups and game rules.”
Not only are the mediators able to assist these students but they also possess stickers which they hand out to children who are displaying positive behaviours such as including children in their games or showing other acts of kindness.
To ensure the younger children at the school understand what mediation is, the students perform role plays for the various grades and explain their role in language the younger children understand. The mediators are very visible during the lunch break with their bright yellow tops.
Whilst the school has many other programs in place, it is heartening to see first hand how they are equipping their children with such important life skills at a young age.
Item viewed: 3624 times
This year they trained students from grade four. What did the grade four students need to do in order to become a mediator? Firstly they had to put together a written application which was assessed by the grade five and six students who selected the most suitable applicants.
Here are some exerts from the applications;
“I would like to be a peer mediator because I am fair, I listen, I’m level headed and I would be able to listen to both sides of a story….”
“I think it would be a great experience…I will enjoy it a lot.”
“I am committed to being a peer mediator because I am responsible and will remember to do my duty. I am a nice caring person and I also like to help sort out problems without being bossy so everyone feels happy.”
“I’d love to be a peer mediator because I’m a good listener and have got really good hand writing.”
Once the two day training is completed; the grade four students become trainees that go around with a grade five or six student learning on the job. The mediators at the school patrol the yard and assist where children are having arguments. A good deal of their time is spent around the play area for children in prep, grade one and two. There are often problems around “hurtful language, threats of changing friendship groups and game rules.”
Not only are the mediators able to assist these students but they also possess stickers which they hand out to children who are displaying positive behaviours such as including children in their games or showing other acts of kindness.
To ensure the younger children at the school understand what mediation is, the students perform role plays for the various grades and explain their role in language the younger children understand. The mediators are very visible during the lunch break with their bright yellow tops.
Whilst the school has many other programs in place, it is heartening to see first hand how they are equipping their children with such important life skills at a young age.
Item viewed: 3624 times
1. Communicate Well
Ensure you listen well and let the other party do a lot of the talking. Ask open questions and allow lots of space (silences can be very effective). The space and/or silence is one you invite the difficult person to use wisely.
2. Act Normally
When working with a 'difficult person',those who do best, act normally. They don't avoid them, nor do they behave differently than they would with anyone else.
3. Seek to Understand
The best exponents of this skill appreciate the 'difficult person's' point of view. They recognise that issues are real to them and honour that.
4. Behaviour is not Personal
Make sure that you treat a hostile issue as unacceptable behaviour, not that they are a 'bad' person. The 'difficult person' does not have a personal issue usually with those who deal with them, they are difficult with everyone!
5. Understand Fear
'Difficult people' behave the way they do usually out of some sort of fear. Through building a better relationship with that person it may allow you to understand why they present in this way and allow you to work towards a solution.
6. Small Things
Sometimes you may be able to find clues as to what is irritating the 'difficult person'. You may be able to sort out the problem without a great deal of effort - they are even sometimes to create a good relationship with the person
7. Build Trust
Those best at Dealing with Difficult People develop a sense of trust with their 'difficult person'. Often the behaviour of others will have tainted their experiences and cause serious mistrust.
8. Find a Solution
When you are very capable of Dealing with Difficult People it is sometimes the simple acts which have the most effect. Just asking them what it is they want can often be an easy solution. It's just that no-one ever asked before!
9. Help Them
Often all these difficult people want is to feel wanted, to be a part of the team again. It's a natural emotion which may work in your favour. They know that an emotional buy-in maybe a great way forward.
10. Recognise Qualities
Every person can be a valuable asset, whatever they are like.
Adapted from Martin Haworth,the founder of Coaching Businesses to Success
Item viewed: 10606 times
Ensure you listen well and let the other party do a lot of the talking. Ask open questions and allow lots of space (silences can be very effective). The space and/or silence is one you invite the difficult person to use wisely.
2. Act Normally
When working with a 'difficult person',those who do best, act normally. They don't avoid them, nor do they behave differently than they would with anyone else.
3. Seek to Understand
The best exponents of this skill appreciate the 'difficult person's' point of view. They recognise that issues are real to them and honour that.
4. Behaviour is not Personal
Make sure that you treat a hostile issue as unacceptable behaviour, not that they are a 'bad' person. The 'difficult person' does not have a personal issue usually with those who deal with them, they are difficult with everyone!
5. Understand Fear
'Difficult people' behave the way they do usually out of some sort of fear. Through building a better relationship with that person it may allow you to understand why they present in this way and allow you to work towards a solution.
6. Small Things
Sometimes you may be able to find clues as to what is irritating the 'difficult person'. You may be able to sort out the problem without a great deal of effort - they are even sometimes to create a good relationship with the person
7. Build Trust
Those best at Dealing with Difficult People develop a sense of trust with their 'difficult person'. Often the behaviour of others will have tainted their experiences and cause serious mistrust.
8. Find a Solution
When you are very capable of Dealing with Difficult People it is sometimes the simple acts which have the most effect. Just asking them what it is they want can often be an easy solution. It's just that no-one ever asked before!
9. Help Them
Often all these difficult people want is to feel wanted, to be a part of the team again. It's a natural emotion which may work in your favour. They know that an emotional buy-in maybe a great way forward.
10. Recognise Qualities
Every person can be a valuable asset, whatever they are like.
Adapted from Martin Haworth,the founder of Coaching Businesses to Success
Item viewed: 10606 times
29/09: The Fear of Conflict
Ever tried to fix a conflict if you don’t know what it is? It’s a bit like putting into action someone’s ideas but they’ve never actually got around to telling you about them. No matter what sort of relationship you’re in, personal, work, sport etc they often have one thing in common, a fear of conflict.
Before you jump up and down and say you’ve got the answer, guess what, it’s not just men. While studies say men tend to talk less than women, and there are both biological and social reasons for this, many women don’t speak up as often as they should either, and for similar reasons.
So why don’t people speak up. Well if you conducted a survey you’d probably get two similar answers. Firstly because people are afraid to take the risk or they’ll say “What’s the use.” (generally followed by because it will go in one ear and out the other).
Most people are afraid to say what they think about certain topics for fear of conflict. Some learned early that when they said the “wrong things” others got angry, and bad consequences often followed. So they grew up avoiding any topic that might make a significant other, like a spouse or work colleague, upset or angry.
Other fears include being ridiculed, hearing of sarcasm, losing an argument, being ignored or rejected, or sounding stupid. For these and other reasons most people avoid topics that may lead to conflict, especially if they think there’s a chance that they could lose, or that things could get worse.
So if speaking up leads to conflict, but holding back makes it worse, what do you do? Is it really worth complaining to anyone who’ll listen about how bad it is but has no power to change the situation? A few tips for approaching someone who you fear;
1. Be honest and tell them you’re fearful of approaching them in the first place. If asked why, tell them you’re concerned the conversation you’re about to have may cause strong disagreement or even a conflict. Naming a fear is really useful.
2. Ask before speaking whether you can both agree on some ground rules, especially a rule about being heard without being interrupted. You can also mention it’s important you have a conversation without sarcasm or where someone feels put down.
3. Always use “I” statements when speaking. I feel I need to tell you……. I felt ….when this happened.
Importantly don’t get into focusing on prior attempts at talking to this person as it will quickly deteriorate into conflict and blame. If they attempt to look at past conversations, tell them this is about working together for the future and starting afresh from now. As much as we’d like to change the past, to my knowledge, they still haven’t invented a magic wand that’s available commercially.
Item viewed: 3934 times
Before you jump up and down and say you’ve got the answer, guess what, it’s not just men. While studies say men tend to talk less than women, and there are both biological and social reasons for this, many women don’t speak up as often as they should either, and for similar reasons.
So why don’t people speak up. Well if you conducted a survey you’d probably get two similar answers. Firstly because people are afraid to take the risk or they’ll say “What’s the use.” (generally followed by because it will go in one ear and out the other).
Most people are afraid to say what they think about certain topics for fear of conflict. Some learned early that when they said the “wrong things” others got angry, and bad consequences often followed. So they grew up avoiding any topic that might make a significant other, like a spouse or work colleague, upset or angry.
Other fears include being ridiculed, hearing of sarcasm, losing an argument, being ignored or rejected, or sounding stupid. For these and other reasons most people avoid topics that may lead to conflict, especially if they think there’s a chance that they could lose, or that things could get worse.
So if speaking up leads to conflict, but holding back makes it worse, what do you do? Is it really worth complaining to anyone who’ll listen about how bad it is but has no power to change the situation? A few tips for approaching someone who you fear;
1. Be honest and tell them you’re fearful of approaching them in the first place. If asked why, tell them you’re concerned the conversation you’re about to have may cause strong disagreement or even a conflict. Naming a fear is really useful.
2. Ask before speaking whether you can both agree on some ground rules, especially a rule about being heard without being interrupted. You can also mention it’s important you have a conversation without sarcasm or where someone feels put down.
3. Always use “I” statements when speaking. I feel I need to tell you……. I felt ….when this happened.
Importantly don’t get into focusing on prior attempts at talking to this person as it will quickly deteriorate into conflict and blame. If they attempt to look at past conversations, tell them this is about working together for the future and starting afresh from now. As much as we’d like to change the past, to my knowledge, they still haven’t invented a magic wand that’s available commercially.
Item viewed: 3934 times
Each day we wake, we will find something that will cause us stress. Many of us may think our daily routines are loaded with stress. You’re probably right. But it’s always useful to remember that some things can be controlled while others are simply out of our control.
But here’s a thought. Stress in itself is not what causes an issue; it’s our reaction to the stress. So your immediate next question is how can I change my reaction to stress? Whilst the answers may be simple, implementing them isn’t always easy.
The first thing you need to do is work out what is within your control. As an example are you stressed because you have over extended yourself? Are you able to simply get out of some of the activities you have (with high hopes and good conscience) taken on? Are you constantly saying yes to helping others then asking yourself why did I do that for?
Make a list and note all stressors separated by uncontrollable and controllable stress. Then begin devising a plan to make change in your life. You may want to back up and drop a few activities. You may need to develop a plan to deal with uncontrollable stressors.
You’ve no doubt read lots of articles on tips when you are stressed such as deep breathing exercises, taking a hot bath, exercise, positive reinforcement, rejuvenating yourself (taking time out for you), eating well and getting enough sleep.
Here are a few tips for those occasions that you have NO control over the stress;
1.Put the stress into a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 represents no stress at all and 10 is the extreme in stress. If the stress is currently an 8, it might be useful even working it down to a 7 or 6. This may be an achievable way of having a small victory over your current stress
2.Use self talk. “This is a stress that I can’t control right now, but it won’t always be like that”. Think back to a time when you had other stresses which were out of your control. At some stage you worked your way through them or they disappeared with time.
3.Try and nominate three things that is positive about this uncontrollable stress example; I got a parking ticket. Three positives are; (a) the fine could have been larger (b) It’s a great reminder to remember to check the parking restrictions (which we can get slack about sometimes (c) I’m really lucky because this is the first time I’ve been caught in a long long time.
4.My favourite is putting stress into perspective. Right now this is a big stress, but would I prefer this stress compared to (insert something that would be a lot worse that could happen).
Item viewed: 3906 times
But here’s a thought. Stress in itself is not what causes an issue; it’s our reaction to the stress. So your immediate next question is how can I change my reaction to stress? Whilst the answers may be simple, implementing them isn’t always easy.
The first thing you need to do is work out what is within your control. As an example are you stressed because you have over extended yourself? Are you able to simply get out of some of the activities you have (with high hopes and good conscience) taken on? Are you constantly saying yes to helping others then asking yourself why did I do that for?
Make a list and note all stressors separated by uncontrollable and controllable stress. Then begin devising a plan to make change in your life. You may want to back up and drop a few activities. You may need to develop a plan to deal with uncontrollable stressors.
You’ve no doubt read lots of articles on tips when you are stressed such as deep breathing exercises, taking a hot bath, exercise, positive reinforcement, rejuvenating yourself (taking time out for you), eating well and getting enough sleep.
Here are a few tips for those occasions that you have NO control over the stress;
1.Put the stress into a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 represents no stress at all and 10 is the extreme in stress. If the stress is currently an 8, it might be useful even working it down to a 7 or 6. This may be an achievable way of having a small victory over your current stress
2.Use self talk. “This is a stress that I can’t control right now, but it won’t always be like that”. Think back to a time when you had other stresses which were out of your control. At some stage you worked your way through them or they disappeared with time.
3.Try and nominate three things that is positive about this uncontrollable stress example; I got a parking ticket. Three positives are; (a) the fine could have been larger (b) It’s a great reminder to remember to check the parking restrictions (which we can get slack about sometimes (c) I’m really lucky because this is the first time I’ve been caught in a long long time.
4.My favourite is putting stress into perspective. Right now this is a big stress, but would I prefer this stress compared to (insert something that would be a lot worse that could happen).
Item viewed: 3906 times
11/09: Parent/adolescent conflicts
The mere mention of parent/adolescent conflict is enough to send most parents into hyperventilation. Sadly we no longer have a specific age where adolescents suddenly transform into adults. There is no rite of passage. A key theme often presenting itself in mediation is around adolescent independence.
Conflicts and disagreements (or just plain being ignored) over issues like chores around the home, going out to friends places, dating, keeping a room clean etc are often about an adolescents desire to become a free thinking individual. Whilst a lot of these conflicts are normal for their developmental age, it’s important to also understand that how they’re handled will determine whether the issues are resolved or whether they escalate.
Resolving conflict relies very much on building your skills in problem solving within the family unit and leaving communication open. Remember to listen and let your adolescent finish what they want to say, don’t interrupt or try to talk over the top of them.
Whether you like it or not, many adolescents are now more than capable in presenting well constructed arguments. Conflict often increases when an adolescent seems to want more autonomy in making their own decisions than a parent believes they should have or are able to handle responsibly. The opposite is also true where parents don’t present adolescents with any boundaries and then suddenly decide to reel them in.
If you allow one problem after the other to accumulate without trying to sit down and talk about it, not only does it snowball but can really change the way people feel about each other. The longer you wait to talk about an issue the greater chance of resentment by all involved. It is not only important to have frequent home discussions around identifying what behaviours you want to change but also to use this time to talk about the positives you’ve noticed about them and what you appreciate.
Where issues are contentious, it may be worthwhile writing down a short agreement and everyone signing it. Make sure though that they are livable agreements. If grounding is part of a consequence, I’d suggest no more than one or two days. For an adolescent that will seem like an eternity as it will for you too. If you can frame an agreement in more positive terms, then all the better ie if you finish your homework by 8pm then you can use the phone for an hour.
Item viewed: 4006 times
Conflicts and disagreements (or just plain being ignored) over issues like chores around the home, going out to friends places, dating, keeping a room clean etc are often about an adolescents desire to become a free thinking individual. Whilst a lot of these conflicts are normal for their developmental age, it’s important to also understand that how they’re handled will determine whether the issues are resolved or whether they escalate.
Resolving conflict relies very much on building your skills in problem solving within the family unit and leaving communication open. Remember to listen and let your adolescent finish what they want to say, don’t interrupt or try to talk over the top of them.
Whether you like it or not, many adolescents are now more than capable in presenting well constructed arguments. Conflict often increases when an adolescent seems to want more autonomy in making their own decisions than a parent believes they should have or are able to handle responsibly. The opposite is also true where parents don’t present adolescents with any boundaries and then suddenly decide to reel them in.
If you allow one problem after the other to accumulate without trying to sit down and talk about it, not only does it snowball but can really change the way people feel about each other. The longer you wait to talk about an issue the greater chance of resentment by all involved. It is not only important to have frequent home discussions around identifying what behaviours you want to change but also to use this time to talk about the positives you’ve noticed about them and what you appreciate.
Where issues are contentious, it may be worthwhile writing down a short agreement and everyone signing it. Make sure though that they are livable agreements. If grounding is part of a consequence, I’d suggest no more than one or two days. For an adolescent that will seem like an eternity as it will for you too. If you can frame an agreement in more positive terms, then all the better ie if you finish your homework by 8pm then you can use the phone for an hour.
Item viewed: 4006 times
02/09: Neigbourhood disputes
(terrific article from: Conflict Resolution Service in Canberra)
Disputes with your neighbour can be common place and it is easy to understand why people take it to heart. Having a conflict with a neighbour can make people feel uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe in their own home.
Conflict with nieghbours can happen as we have different ideas about our home and neighbourhood and what it means to us. For example, you may have purchased your home because you want peace and quiet, however your neighbour wants a workshop or a place to party.
Some of the things people want from a home and neighbourhood might be:
• A nice environment to call home at the end of each day
• Somewhere to be with family and friends, to hang out and have fun
• A retreat that is quiet and peaceful
• A workshop, a place to do hobbies or to create or fix things
• A workplace, building a business and working from home
• A home in a beautiful street with other nice houses and neat gardens
Disputes also occur sometimes when people have to share space with their neighbours. For example, disagreements can occur over changes to boundaries such as fences or trees and shrubs, or over use of driveways or common areas.
Some of the most common neighbourhood disputes are about:
• Fences
• Trees/shrubs/plants
• Noise
• Lifestyle/environmental issues
• Children or teenager's behaviour
• Dogs and other animals
• Invasion of privacy
But these challenges can be overcome if everyone is genuinely willing to try and if people feel safe to agree and disagree with each other. Disputes can often be resolved when people can focus on the problem and not the person and work together to find solutions that everyone can live with.
When disputes are not resolved, it is often because one or more of the following things is going on:
• Inability to communicate
• Constant complaints or refusal/failure to act on complaints
• Agreement Breakdown
• Verbal abuse/swearing
• Threats of violence
• Lack of trust
• Bullying
• Theft/damage or assault
• Gossip and rumours
The good news is that there are ways of preventing or managing neighbourhood disputes that are simple and easy to use. It may not always be possible to resolve every dispute, but every dispute can be managed.
No matter how healthy your neighbourhood is, problems can arise quite suddenly. If disputes are not dealt with, they can grow out of all proportion. So here are some suggestions for preventing and managing neighbourhood disputes.
Get to know your neighbour
Consult with your neighbour before you take any action that may impact on them.
Take your neighbour’s concern’s seriously, even if they seem small issues to you.
When people feel heard and understood it is easier to work through a problem.
Don't assume the other person knows there is a problem – often they don't.
Sometimes it is a simple misunderstanding.
Discuss your approach with friends or family. They may have some useful ideas.
Make an attempt to talk or write to your neighbour before involving authorities or other agencies.
Remember to focus on the problem not the person.
Work on what you can change, not what you can't.
If you and your neighbour cannot agree on a change, try implementing some strategies to reduce stress.
Ask for help, seek advice.
Item viewed: 4124 times
Disputes with your neighbour can be common place and it is easy to understand why people take it to heart. Having a conflict with a neighbour can make people feel uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe in their own home.
Conflict with nieghbours can happen as we have different ideas about our home and neighbourhood and what it means to us. For example, you may have purchased your home because you want peace and quiet, however your neighbour wants a workshop or a place to party.
Some of the things people want from a home and neighbourhood might be:
• A nice environment to call home at the end of each day
• Somewhere to be with family and friends, to hang out and have fun
• A retreat that is quiet and peaceful
• A workshop, a place to do hobbies or to create or fix things
• A workplace, building a business and working from home
• A home in a beautiful street with other nice houses and neat gardens
Disputes also occur sometimes when people have to share space with their neighbours. For example, disagreements can occur over changes to boundaries such as fences or trees and shrubs, or over use of driveways or common areas.
Some of the most common neighbourhood disputes are about:
• Fences
• Trees/shrubs/plants
• Noise
• Lifestyle/environmental issues
• Children or teenager's behaviour
• Dogs and other animals
• Invasion of privacy
But these challenges can be overcome if everyone is genuinely willing to try and if people feel safe to agree and disagree with each other. Disputes can often be resolved when people can focus on the problem and not the person and work together to find solutions that everyone can live with.
When disputes are not resolved, it is often because one or more of the following things is going on:
• Inability to communicate
• Constant complaints or refusal/failure to act on complaints
• Agreement Breakdown
• Verbal abuse/swearing
• Threats of violence
• Lack of trust
• Bullying
• Theft/damage or assault
• Gossip and rumours
The good news is that there are ways of preventing or managing neighbourhood disputes that are simple and easy to use. It may not always be possible to resolve every dispute, but every dispute can be managed.
No matter how healthy your neighbourhood is, problems can arise quite suddenly. If disputes are not dealt with, they can grow out of all proportion. So here are some suggestions for preventing and managing neighbourhood disputes.
Get to know your neighbour
Consult with your neighbour before you take any action that may impact on them.
Take your neighbour’s concern’s seriously, even if they seem small issues to you.
When people feel heard and understood it is easier to work through a problem.
Don't assume the other person knows there is a problem – often they don't.
Sometimes it is a simple misunderstanding.
Discuss your approach with friends or family. They may have some useful ideas.
Make an attempt to talk or write to your neighbour before involving authorities or other agencies.
Remember to focus on the problem not the person.
Work on what you can change, not what you can't.
If you and your neighbour cannot agree on a change, try implementing some strategies to reduce stress.
Ask for help, seek advice.
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