03/01: How should we handle a workplace put down?
The put down comment can often occur when you least expect it or sadly at a moment when knowing what to do evades you.
The most natural response is wanting immediate “revenge”, to get them back and particularly to defend yourself from this very unpleasant person.
The problem often becomes in trying to defend our self it makes it worse and can have the opposite effect. It can spiral out of control really quickly leaving a sour taste.
The dictionary describes put downs as; either a disparaging, belittling or snubbing remark or a remark intended to humiliate or embarrass someone.
It is believed that the origin of put-downs is an insecurity in the other person: they want to make themselves feel good by making you look bad. This relies on you responding in a way that makes them feel good, and you going 'on the defensive' does just that. Put-downs rely on a reaction from you.
Your main aims, when responding to put downs,are usually:
• To stop the put down behaviour
• To do so in a way that maintains your own self respect
Here is a recommended strategy for dealing with put downs:
In the first instance, IGNORE IT. In many cases the person may try a few times to put you down but, once it becomes obvious there will be no reaction, will stop. Other people will respect you for it (for being 'mature enough' to ignore it). NB: Don't let yourself 'feel bad' (such reactions reward the put-down behaviour). Think: 'I'll rise above it. Put downs say much more about the person saying it than the person the comments are directed towards).
If you feel the need to deal with a put-down, do so with humour. Don't treat it seriously, make a joke out of it - but don't make the other person the butt of the joke
If those don't work, then use “I statements” such as I feel really offended by what you said.
Lastly naming what they are doing as a put down can make them aware and hopefully somewhat embarrassed by using them e.g. “Why is it important to use put down behaviour towards me?” They may simply deny it but are more likely to think twice about continuing.
You should never use put-down behaviour yourself. If you feel the urge to do so, then you'll need to learn to value yourself more, so that you can overcome the insecurity that drives such behaviour.
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The most natural response is wanting immediate “revenge”, to get them back and particularly to defend yourself from this very unpleasant person.
The problem often becomes in trying to defend our self it makes it worse and can have the opposite effect. It can spiral out of control really quickly leaving a sour taste.
The dictionary describes put downs as; either a disparaging, belittling or snubbing remark or a remark intended to humiliate or embarrass someone.
It is believed that the origin of put-downs is an insecurity in the other person: they want to make themselves feel good by making you look bad. This relies on you responding in a way that makes them feel good, and you going 'on the defensive' does just that. Put-downs rely on a reaction from you.
Your main aims, when responding to put downs,are usually:
• To stop the put down behaviour
• To do so in a way that maintains your own self respect
Here is a recommended strategy for dealing with put downs:
In the first instance, IGNORE IT. In many cases the person may try a few times to put you down but, once it becomes obvious there will be no reaction, will stop. Other people will respect you for it (for being 'mature enough' to ignore it). NB: Don't let yourself 'feel bad' (such reactions reward the put-down behaviour). Think: 'I'll rise above it. Put downs say much more about the person saying it than the person the comments are directed towards).
If you feel the need to deal with a put-down, do so with humour. Don't treat it seriously, make a joke out of it - but don't make the other person the butt of the joke
If those don't work, then use “I statements” such as I feel really offended by what you said.
Lastly naming what they are doing as a put down can make them aware and hopefully somewhat embarrassed by using them e.g. “Why is it important to use put down behaviour towards me?” They may simply deny it but are more likely to think twice about continuing.
You should never use put-down behaviour yourself. If you feel the urge to do so, then you'll need to learn to value yourself more, so that you can overcome the insecurity that drives such behaviour.
Item viewed: 3129 times
